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This was really an offer; that I could not turn down. Being my true confidant; I knew, Jordan would not betray me as I had always been good to him, both in bed and had fucked him to the best of my abilities and the capabilities. As my driver and my house maid, I paid him very decently too. His only one demand and with my money and resources; it was a no big deal. Jordan had asked me to buy a sports car with sun roof, that he would like to take a ride in with his wife for about an hour on the weekends, if the car was not in my use. He got married about a month ago and when he resumed his duties, I had the time off and we decided to go spend some days in a beach resort hotel. As I returned from the beach front, I saw JB and his wife, Ruby; on the deck. She had her tops removed and he was stroking her breasts. Ruby was sitting in his lap with her legs wide open and hanging one on each side of his lap. I could not tell, if JB had his connection made inside her. The scene was more than. I could tell myself I wouldn’t do it, but deep down I knew I would succumb to my dark desires. They made me feel dirty and ashamed, but horny as well.It felt degrading and naughty, yet it fulfilled some need I didn’t know I had, some identity that had been kept secret from myself. This part was very liberating and exciting.Nonetheless, when I took out or answered an ad, I felt adrenalized, even shaking. Why did I force myself to do this? If they responded, I was excited, yet terrified. If they didn’t, I felt disappointed and discouraged, but relieved. If I accepted, I would think about it all day, with a knot in my stomach. Yet, when it came time to meet, I half felt like canceling or bailing out, but did not do so. When we did meet, I was just fine; after all, I had done this before, and enjoyed it, so what’s the big deal?I decided to give it one last try, do everything, satisfy my curiosity, and get it out of my system once and for all. Then the need would be fulfilled, and I could.
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